5 Years Ago Today

I know this late but didn't get it done yesterday...too busy!   Shawn and I are celebrating our 5th anniversary!  So, I thought I'd tell a picture story of the beginning of our lives together.  Enjoy!

*Note:  I give all credit for these pics to Jenny Shain - a wonderful friend who offered to be our photographer...the best wedding gift we could have gotten!  Thanks Jenny - you're the BEST!

Warning:  This is kinda long - I was having fun looking at all the pics!  lol

                           We got some practice for the wedding day by taking pics at our rehearsal.

                             Fun times with good friends...Brooke wins the prize for having the
                           greatest reaction to our engagement.  Brooke, I'll never forget that!  lol

                                                             Practice, practice, practice!

                             Shawn and his guys - Jenny said getting pictures of these guys was
                                           like trying to herd cats.  I believe it!  They're crazy!

                                                                          Speeches...

                Last night for Aunt Melissa to be "all his" - so he made the most of it, and so did I...love this guy!

A new whistle for the best pastor ever!

                                                                  Just being happy!

                                                                   Time to go home!

                                                          
                                                       Our beautiful flower girl - Trinity

                                                     Mom's hair looked SO good!

                                                     Me and my Mom - both looking kinda tired!

                                                    We all know why Shawn needs a bib!  lol

                                                                   Very impressive!

                                               This is why their pics took so long!

                                                         Happy parents, happy son!

                                                Getting ready and being silly!

 
                                                               My two lovely Grandmas!

                                                                          Happy again!

                   Had to hunt down the lint roller to figure out the hair problem on the dresses - still a mystery!

                                             Praying before heading to the back of the church

                                                         There's no looking back! So happy!

                                                          Roses for my parents...

                                                                  Roses for his parents...

                                                              What a fun day!

                                                              Smiles all around!

                                                      And even some kisses!

                                                During ceremony - obviously not in order

                                                               We DID it!

                                                                  The new couple

                                                           A never-to-forget moment....

                                                             Fun with pictures!

                                                         Part of a new family...

                                      They promised they wouldn't drop me - and they didn't... and THEN...

                                                              It was VERY funny!

                                         Notice my lovely bridesmaids - *payback*  lol

                                                               Love this man!

                                                  Thank goodness for Mom...

                              The button holes for my bustle were sewn too small - my amazing mom fixed it!

                                                          Two VERY important guests!

                                                   Part of a new family...

                                                               The Boyce clan

                                       Announcing Mr. and Mrs. Willis - Wa-hoo!!

                                                               Prayer

                                                      Our best man....kinda scary, Dave!

                                        Speech from my wonderful sister!

                                               Speech from our wonderful friend, Dave!

                             Notice the face:  "Don't you dare shove that in my face!"  lol

                                                    We got one bite - but it was GOOD!

                                       My lovely bridesmaids entertaining themselves at the reception!

                                                 Hilarious and kinda scary!  lol

                                                           I LOVE her!

                                                           Mom and Dad

                                          It's been a long day and we're sleepy...

                                                                      Dave and Linda

                                                                   First Dance - "Feels like Home"

                                          Father-Daughter Dance - "I Loved Her First"

                                                             Sweet moment...

                                                  Mother-Son Dance:  "What a Wonderful World"

                                                               Another special moment...

                                                    Yeah, we're that cool!  lol

                                           The beginning of a whole new relationship...and happy about it!  lol

                                                       Really guys????   haha

                                                          It was a COLD night!

                                                      And they lived happily ever after...

This Jar of Clay Knows Nothing

Power.  Such a strong word with so many different meanings.  People can have power of strength, power of authority, power of attorney, power of love – tons of supposed power.  But what type of power does God have?  Well…everything, all of it.

“Once God has spoken; twice have I heard this: that power belongs to God.”  Psalm 62:11

I started looking today for Scripture that spoke of power – and I was shocked at how many I found.  I really shouldn’t have been surprised, right?  Why should I be surprised at how many different times the Bible speaks of God’s power?  Well, because I don’t know my Bible as well as I should.  I was convicted by a verse that showed me just how much I don’t know. 

“But Jesus answered them, ‘You are wrong, because you know neither the Scriptures nor the power of God.”  Matthew 22:29

I won’t know the power of God until I know better the Scriptures that speak of God’s power.  And so, I won’t be able to know God’s power in my life until then.  But even as I was going over these thoughts, another thought popped into my head – “Yes, I do know my Bible!  I know hundreds of songs for Bible verses and I’ve read through my Bible more than a few times in my life.  I do know my Bible!”  Arrogant, aren’t I?

I sometimes find myself sitting in this chair, reminding myself that I’m a good person.  Pathetic, I know – but who doesn’t do that sometimes?  And sometimes, I tell myself that I know better what should happen in the life of Melissa Willis.  I turn to God and question His plan and decisions.  And because GOD has the power and I don’t, this is the perfect response for my questioning.

“But who are you, O man, to answer back to God?  Will what is molded say to its molder, ‘Why have you made me like this?’  Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out of the same lump one vessel for honored use and another for dishonorable use?”  Romans 9:20-21

And so, as it so often happens, I am humbled by my “righteous arrogance”.  I am brought low – where I belong.  I’m shown the great power that God has and I’m reminded of my own insignificance.  My doubts and fears and challenges to God begin to turn.  Sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, almost always painfully – but it always happens.

When faith replaces doubt, when selfless service eliminates selfish striving, the power of God brings to pass His purposes.  ~Thomas S Monson

So instead of doubting and striving to “fix” my life right now, I should just focus on having faith.  Not faith in my own power but faith through God’s power.  Faith in my own power is no faith at all – but faith through God’s power is perfect faith…and according to Scripture – this is the only faith worth bragging about…because I didn’t stick my own arrogant and prideful hands into the mix.  Only when I give up trying to fix things; will things get fixed.  Interesting concept, isn’t it?

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”  2 Corinthians 12:9

Realizing this not-of-this-world concept is hard enough.  But knowing that perhaps God has placed me in this particular situation to bring Him glory is even harder.  And knowing that perhaps God has placed me here to show me His power and cause me to proclaim His name is just plain humbling…but also comforting.  It’s hard to know that your future isn’t in your own hands but it’s encouraging to know that God has it all figured out…and there’s really nothing to fear or doubt or worry about.

“But for this purpose I have raised you up, to show you my power, so that my name may be proclaimed in all the earth.”  Exodus 9:16

This Lord of power has ordained, before the foundations of the earth, when Shawn and I will have children.  He knew it thousands of years before I was even on this earth.  And to think that I, in my 31 years of life, should try to override that omnipotent power is just silly and prideful.  My life rests in the power of this God, and I hope to someday experience His all-consuming power through the children He will give us.

 “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be called holy – the Son of God…For nothing will be impossible with God.”  Luke 1:35, 37

Sometimes I think there is no hope.  Some would say my situation is hopeless.  But NOTHING will be impossible with God.  And to that hope, I will hold.

Melissa

All I Want Is a Popsicle

I began my journey by looking at the wisdom of God.  I found so many good passages for wisdom that I couldn’t even begin to name them all.  I picked some of my favorites, though.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him.”  James 1:5

That’s a good place to start.  Ask for wisdom…sounds easy enough.  This verse says that God gives generously.  This wisdom isn’t something that God is hiding and doesn’t want to be found.  It isn’t a game of Hide and Seek where God has hidden wisdom in a dark corner and I’m supposed to search until I find it – and then God will be disappointed that He didn’t hide it well enough.  No, it’s a free gift that requires seeking after.  It’s like the popsicles that are handed out at parades.   As a kid, I couldn’t just lazily sit on the curb and assume that the people on the float were going to toss a nice, cold popsicle my way in the blazing heat.  No – I had to get up and eagerly pursue the float yelling and screaming, “Please, can I have one?  Please?”   So it is with the search for wisdom.  I can’t stay in this life of mine and just assume that God will toss wisdom in my direction.  I have to get up and run down the faith road, asking and pleading to God to notice me and have mercy on me…just like those adults on the floats had mercy on me as a little girl when they saw my eager face, flushed by the Southern Illinois heat and humidity.  I was given a popsicle – and NOTHING could compare to that treat.  So now, I am asking God to give me wisdom – and NOTHING will compare to this great gift. 

Although my wisdom in starting a family now makes perfect sense to me – it obviously isn’t God’s plan for my life at this moment.  I read today that His wisdom is so much higher than mine and His ways are so much higher than mine that I can’t even begin to understand them.  So, today I’m trying to rely on God’s wisdom and not my own.   

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”  Isaiah 55:8-9

About a week ago, I was reading through Proverbs, and came across this verse. 

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.”  Proverbs 9:10

After reading through the verse once, I stopped and kept rereading it.  I didn’t see it right away but I knew I was supposed to be having an “Aha” moment.  After reading Proverbs 9:10 about fifteen times and just sitting and thinking…I understood (with the Holy Spirit’s help, of course)!  I’m looking for wisdom and discernment in regards to starting a family, but I’m looking in all the wrong places.  The Bible clearly states that we are to look for wisdom in the fear of the Lord FIRST.  That means my desire to have wisdom regarding our future children is secondary to my desire for God’s wisdom.  The beginning of wisdom comes through fearing the Lord.  By sitting in awe at the wonders of His hand – at the works He has done – at His unending mercy and grace – at His constant forgiveness – at His infinite wisdom.  Then and ONLY then, will this fear of the Lord lead to wisdom – which will, in turn, lead to insight and understanding.  So, I’m looking for wisdom about God’s plan for my life – but I don’t start there.  I start by fearing the Lord – and the rest will fall into place.  I can’t search for wisdom and find it like I search for my missing keys.  It doesn’t work that way.  I search for wisdom by hitting my knees and showing awe and reverence to God.  And so I’ve learned, true knowledge and wisdom can only come from fearing the Lord and knowing Him.

And just to make sure that I was really going to search for this wisdom in the right way, God put this next verse right in front of me. 

“For wisdom is better than jewels, and all that you may desire cannot compare with her.”  Proverbs 8:11

There is NOTHING more precious than gaining the wisdom that is of God.  There is NOTHING more desirable than knowledge from God.  Gandalf’s statement from The Fellowship of the Ring comes to mind, “He is seeking it. Seeking it, all his thought is bent on it.”  Of course, Gandalf is speaking of Sauron in regards to his desire to find the ring of power – but it says perfectly what my business ought to be.  I should be seeking wisdom. Seeking it, with all my thoughts bent on it.  Everything else in this life that I desire pales in comparison to this one thing – wisdom.

So, just as I sought after that icy popsicle on a terribly hot 4^th of July many years ago – so now I will seek after the greatest jewel that man could ever find…and all I want is wisdom (and maybe a popsicle).

Melissa

So It Begins

“So we fasted and petitioned our God about this, and he answered our prayer.” 

Ezra 8:23

I know lots of people who regularly give something up for the Lenten season.  I’ve never done this.  I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this but I also don’t think it is required of us in the Bible.  So, I never had given it much thought.  But yesterday, I was listening to a lady on 1090 AM talk about fasting and it got my mind working.  Although this falls at the time when most people are denying themselves some good thing – I am simply going to use this time to draw closer to God and His will – so not exactly a Lenten fast.

I’ve been asking God to give me guidance and direction in the last few months about whether we should begin pursuing adoption or continue trying to get pregnant.  I feel like God is saying Yes to both of these – but don’t really understand where to go from here.  So, after listening to the radio – I’ve decided to do something a little bit different.  I’m going to fast from Facebook and use that time instead to read more of God’s Word and pray for wisdom.  I recently read about Solomon’s request of God, asking for wisdom and discernment – and God was pleased to give this to him because he desired that above wealth and fame.

“So give your servant a discerning heart … to distinguish between right and wrong.” 

“The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for this.  So God said to him, “Since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself … but for discernment … I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be.”

1 Kings 3:9-12

And so, I will be spending my time asking God to grant me a wise and discerning heart – to know what God would have us do with adoption and pregnancy. 

I’ve found that fasting is a very rewarding experience – and not scary like some people might think.  In Elmer Towns’ book “The Daniel Fast for Spiritual Breakthrough”, he says that the purpose of fasting is to make a personal commitment between yourself and God.  The back of the book states, “The prophet Daniel is a model for anyone who longs to honor God and experience the spiritual breakthrough that begins with prayer and self-discipline.”  THIS is my goal and THIS is my desire.

And so begins my 40 day journey to knowing better the wisdom of God.  Each day, I’ll be focusing on a different Scriptural concept.  I’ve posted them below for you to see, in case you’d like to start your own journey or follow mine.  I’ll be looking at four different categories:  Who is this God, Character Traits for a Woman of God, Facing Life’s Trials, and a Wrap Up.  They are listed specifically below (subject to change, of course).

Who is this God?

1.      God of wisdom

2.      God of power

3.      God of healing

4.      God of joy

5.      God of strength

6.      God of creation

7.      God of singing

8.      God of discipline

9.      God of forgiveness

10.  God of life

11.  God who hears prayers

12.  God of love

13.  God of eternity

14.  God who does not change

15.  God of holiness

16.  God of justice

17.  God of goodness

18.  God of truth

19.  God of relationship

20.  God as King

Character Traits for a Woman of God

1.      Grace

2.      Humility

3.      Inward Beauty

4.      Submission

5.      Love

6.      Forgiveness

7.      Not Idle

8.      Pure talk

9.      Honoring to husband

10.  Joy

Facing Life’s Trials

1.      Knowing God’s will

2.      Submitting to God’s will

3.      Loneliness

4.      Empty Arms

5.      Loss

6.      Living in a country that has forgotten God

7.      Finding purpose in life

8.      Temptation from Satan

9.      When Christ is all you have

Wrap-Up

1.      Living a life wholly devoted to God

I’ll try to write about my journey and share with you what I learn from this.  I look forward to coming out of this experience with my hand in the hand of God and look forward to finally giving up this struggle to Him and having peace.  Please pray that this would be a time of sweet communion for me with God and that I would have better wisdom and discernment about starting a family when this is over.

So begins the journey towards Christ,

Melissa

The Doorpost

Have you ever had a day when you just wanted to scream at God and ask Him to explain what He was doing?  Have you ever just thrown your hands up and walked away from God for a time?  Do you ever shake your fist at God and tell Him that you’re tired of doing things His way and want your own way instead?  If you’re anything like me, then you would answer yes to every single one of these questions.

But, can we really have things our own way?  Are we really able to be in charge of our own lives?  The honest answer to these questions is NO.  Why?  Because we’ve been purchased.  We don’t own ourselves.  We were bought at a price and we’re not for sale – not even to ourselves. 

I remember the first mission trip I went on in 1995.  It was to Fairmont, West Virginia to rehab homes in the area.  While there, I learned a song and it was imprinted on my heart.  It’s called, “Pierce My Ear” and it’s based on the passage from Exodus 21 concerning laws about Hebrew servants.  Take a look…

“If you buy a Hebrew servant, he is to serve you for six years. But in the seventh year, he shall go free, without paying anything. If he comes alone, he is to go free alone; but if he has a wife when he comes, she is to go with him.  If his master gives him a wife and she bears him sons or daughters, the woman and her children shall belong to her master, and only the man shall go free.

“But if the servant declares, ‘I love my master and my wife and children and do not want to go free,’  then his master must take him before the judges.  He shall take him to the door or the doorpost and pierce his ear with an awl. Then he will be his servant for life.”

Exodus 21:1-6

In the same way, I’ve been taken to the doorpost of Christ’s home and I’ve been pierced.  I don’t want my own freedom and my own life but only the life that my Master has to offer.  I’ve been struck with this Biblical concept over the last couple of weeks.  MY plan for my life just is not happening.  MY desires are not being met and so often I can forget that I’m not in charge – that I don’t own myself or my life.  I forget that my body is branded with Christ’s blood - that I’m wearing a sign that says, “Redeemed by Christ”.  I now belong to Him and I am His servant.

But being a servant can be a painful thing.  I have to wait for my Master to grant me the desires of my heart, or wait for Him to heal someone, or wait for Him to save someone.  It isn’t easy.  But walking the road of servitude means we walk the road of Christ.  He also has been a servant…

Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

⁶ Who, being in very nature^[a] God,
    did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
⁷ but made himself nothing,
    taking the very nature^[b] of a servant,
    being made in human likeness.
⁸ And being found in appearance as a man,
    he humbled himself
    and became obedient to death—
        even death on a cross!
⁹ Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
    and gave him the name that is above every name,
¹⁰ that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
    in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
¹¹ and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
    to the glory of God the Father.

Philippians 2:5-11

My ear has been pierced – my life has been pierced.  But Christ’s very body was pierced for our sake. 

“But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.”  Isaiah 53:4-6

This One, who was the very nature of God, made himself nothing and took the very nature of a servant.  When we are pierced and walk the road of servitude, we walk the road to Christ. 

Listen to the words of this song:

Pierce my ear, Oh Lord, my God. 

Take me to your door this day.

I will serve no other god. 

Lord, I’m here to stay. 

For you have paid the price for me. 

With your blood, you set me free. 

I will serve you eternally. 

A free man I’ll never be.

(I still haven't figured out how to attach an actual video to my blog so click on this link if you want to hear the song.  It's awesome!)

http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=6YD6LNNX 

 

There’s no other way I would want to live my life.  I'm sold out for Christ and I’ve been pierced by His blood.  This life I live is not my own.  Yes, I stumble and fall.  Just in the past weeks, I've shaken my fist at God and expressed my displeasure at His choices for my life.  But I always come back to the doorpost.  I always come back to where my heart really is.  Christ always brings me back to Him.

Have you gone to the doorpost?  Have you been pierced?  Is Christ's blood covering you?  Has Christ redeemed you?  I encourage you - Set yourself before Christ as His servant.  Be pierced by Christ and find true life...

 

A slave for Christ,

Melissa

Happy Birthday, Shawn!

Today is Shawn’s 37^th birthday!  Shawn LOVES mexican food so he requested chicken tortilla casserole, mexican rice, homemade refried beans, and green beans for supper (and a special carrot cake…that I did NOT make, of course!).  He’s pretty excited!

            As I think about Shawn’s birthday, I also think of the great blessing he is to me!  If someone would’ve told me 8 years ago that I’d be married to Shawn Willis, I would have burst out laughing.  I had known who “Shawn Willis” was for years because his best friend attended my church.  Dave and I had served together on mission trips for years and had somewhat of a sibling-sibling relationship – so of course, I knew who Shawn was!  But the idea of being married to someone I hardly knew was just crazy…at the time.  Well, a few spaghetti suppers and pie auctions later – and we were together!

            We started dating in April ‘07 and realized by July that we were going to get married.  He proposed in October and we were married on February 16, 2008.  It was a whirlwind 10 months and one of the most exciting times of my life!  During those 10 months, God took my life plans, threw them out the window, and gave me new ones!  He made me fall in love with a man I had barely known and changed my life…and I’m so thankful!

            Since then, we’ve experienced so much together.  Shawn was going to Covenant Seminary when we got married and we are proud to say we survived the seminary years!  Shawn survived the 1 hour, 20 minute drive one way to seminary almost every day for 2 ½ years and I survived sharing my husband with Hebrew/Greek translations, papers, sermons, MDF’s, endless books, and worrying about him falling asleep on his drive home!  We enjoyed our new life together in our small apartment in Sparta and will always remember that place with warm hearts.  But God had something else in mind.

            Shawn graduated from Covenant Seminary in May ‘10 and began the search for a call.  In September, we heard from the churches of Faith and West Friesland in Ackley, Iowa.  We went to visit in October and loved it!  The people were wonderfully loving and welcoming and we felt right at home.  In November, Shawn accepted the call to pastor the two churches, passed his ordination exam in December, and we hit the road for Iowa in January!

            Since moving to Iowa, we’ve experienced homesickness, loneliness from family, old friends, and our old church, two miscarriages, and the struggle to find “our place” here.  But we’ve also experienced the joy of meeting new friends and church family, serving the Lord where He’s called us, and learning to rely on each other more.  So, if someone had told me 8 years ago that I would be married to Shawn Willis and living in Ackley, Iowa – I guarantee I would have laughed.  But I’m so grateful that I did marry him and I’m so grateful that we followed God’s leading to Ackley!

            This man that I call “my husband” is so amazing!  He hugs me every morning before getting out of bed and tells me that he loves me.  He gives me a kiss every time before he leaves the house and as soon as he comes home again.  He calms me with his singing as he goes about his work at home.   

            He makes me laugh with his deep, booming voice and his other crazy voices that I get to hear every day!  He makes me smile when he spills the sugar all over the counter every time he makes his coffee.  He makes me proud when he gobbles up my food each night and tells me how much he appreciates my cooking.  I shake my head when he forgets to hang his suit up and put it away on Sunday afternoons.  He makes me giggle when he answers my sister’s phone calls and gives her a hard time, only to find out that she can think quick on her feet and he’s left speechless with no response!

            He makes me feel beautiful when he wraps his arms around me while I’m doing the dishes and tells me how blessed he is to be married to me.  I love that he presents me as his wonderful wife to others, even when I’m not always wonderful to him.  I think it’s sweet that he lays down on my side of the bed to warm up the sheets for me before I climb in.  I love waking up and finding him in the middle of the bed, hogging the whole thing – even though we have a king size bed.  He makes me cry when we dance to one of our wedding songs, “Feels Like Home” by Chantal Kreviazuk.   

He comforts me when I tell him that I can’t stand to be so far away from my family and reminds me that he is my family, along with everyone else in Iowa.  He drives me crazy when he leaves his shoes lined up on the floor in our bedroom, instead of putting them away in the closet.  I love that he works so hard every day at this calling to provide for us.  He understands when I have to leave him for 2 weeks to care for a recovering sister and her family as her son fights to stay alive.  I love that he’s willing to give up a fun day to just stay at home and save that money for our future adoptions.   

            He makes me excited when I watch him interact with our nieces and nephews and I can’t wait to have children with him.  I love that he’s willing to try new foods that I make, and I especially love that he eats the “not so great” ones without complaint!  He picks me up when I’m consumed with grief over the loss of our two children and the long waiting for a family.  I love that he holds my hand when we’re in the car together.  I smile when I watch him working in our garden and get to see his excitement for homegrown veggies.  I love how much he misses me when I’m away.

            He reminds me of God’s faithfulness every single day of my life.  He shows me Christ as I watch him read his Bible and pray for the churches every day, even when he doesn’t have time.  He grows my faith as I listen to Him read a Psalm and pray for our day together each morning.  He encourages and convicts me when he preaches God’s Word from the pulpit.  He forgives me when I screw up, even if I’m not ready to forgive him.  He laughs at me when I tell him that I still haven’t washed his jeans because I avoid laundry like the plague!  He grins when I tell him that he’s the most handsome man I’ve ever seen.   

            He fills my heart with such a great love that I can’t imagine loving him more – but yet my love for him grows every day.  This love is a mystery.  I love this man and am blessed to call him “husband”!

         So, if you see Shawn today - make sure you tell him Happy Birthday!  I praise God for Shawn and I praise God for his example of godly living and "faith lived out" for me to see!  I love you, honey!

Melissa

            

Goodbye, 2012!

I have to admit I was ready for 2012 to be over.  Is that wrong?  I saw everywhere how God upheld me and strengthened me and blessed me in 2012 – but I was ready to move on to this year.  Ready to move on to new hope and a new possibility of joy in 2013.

I was excited in September to start reading through my Chronological Bible for the first time.  I’m pretty dense when it comes to history (or any historical events for that matter) so it’s been pretty great for me!  Anyway, I just started the story of David last week.  Since I’m reading chronologically, I actually read the events of David’s life alongside the psalms that he wrote at the time of those events.   It’s a completely different way of reading the Bible and I love it!

Just the other day I was reading Psalm 13, which was probably written when David was fleeing from Saul.  As I read the first part of the psalm – my heart resonated with what David wrote:

“How long, O Lord?  Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts

And every day have sorrow in my heart?

How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, O Lord my God.

Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

My enemy will say, ‘I have overcome him.’

And my foes will rejoice when I fall.”

(v. 1-4)

As I was reading, I thought, “Doesn’t this just fit perfectly?”  I’ve certainly felt like God has forgotten me and hidden His face from me. Just like David, I think, “Okay, God, that’s enough.  You can make things better now.” 

You know, there are tons of psalms that David wrote – begging God to rescue him from a difficult situation or from pain.  There were times in David’s life that were absolutely painful, that rocked him to his core.  There were times when he didn’t even want to keep living.  But if you keep reading through David’s story – you’ll see that eventually he was made king over all Israel.  He was the greatest king that Israel ever had!  He was the FIRST relative to be named in Matthew’s genealogy of Jesus! 

 “This is the genealogy of Jesus the Messiah, the son of David, the son of Abraham” (v. 1)

 I’m sure when David was having those really bad days, he wasn’t thinking about being a great king or being forever famous because Christ was going to be in his family line.  I’m sure he was only thinking about the pain.  But eventually, the pain ended and God ushered in a time of great blessing for David.

And so, reading through David’s life has grown my faith and begun to spark a new hope within my heart.  I may be in a time of pain but I know that God will soon usher in a time of great blessing.  A time of blessing so great that I will remember no more the pain of now.

I’m hopeful that God will grant me the desires of my heart this year – that Shawn and I would be able to have children.  I’m hopeful that God will “look on me and answer me.”  As the year 2012 ended, I thought about the end of Psalm 13.  I read it on December 30^th while we were visiting Shawn’s parents.  I smiled when I realized that David wrote this, even in the midst of his pain and suffering, and that he meant EVERY word of it.

"But I trust in your unfailing love;

My heart rejoices in your salvation.

I will sing to the Lord,

For he has been good to me."

 If you’re hurting right now, don’t forget that God’s love never fails.  He has been good to us and He will continue to be good to us.  Sing to the Lord and endure the suffering - painful as it may be.  And know that God will eventually usher you into a time of blessing so great that you will remember no more the pain of now. 

As for me, I will trust in God’s unfailing love.  I will rejoice.  I will sing.  He has been good to me.  Yes, I’m very glad that 2012 is finally over.  I’m excited to see what 2013 will bring for me and Shawn.  And now, I think I’m finally ready to look at adoption and begin moving in that direction. 

Hope is kindled…

For those in need of hope,

Melissa