When I started this Facebook fasting journey, I really was
expecting some great revelation to drop right into my lap concerning the
questions of this life. Now I realize
that won’t be the case – at all. I’ve
been rather disappointed in the last few weeks that I haven’t been given any
clear direction in our lives concerning future children. It’s been frustrating, to say the least – and
sometimes even maddening.
But some things have happened in the last couple of weeks to
remind me that although I haven’t been given THE answer I’m looking for, I’ve
been given so much more. I’ll start with
a couple of weekends ago…
Shawn had a Presbytery meeting in Des Moines and was going to be gone Friday
night and all of Saturday. So, my sister
and I got this wild idea to “meet in the middle” and see each other for the
weekend. It worked out GREAT! We had a fantastic time and it was so good to
see her and the kids. What I learned
from that weekend: Jess and I can pack
up an entire hotel room (clothes, toys, food, toiletries, everything) and move to another one in less than 1 hour (long
story), Derek is really good at splashing in pools and jumping from the hot tub
to the cold pool without screaming, Calleigh always wants “to go to the beach”
(AKA – the swimming pool), Austin is now walking and will get into ANYTHING
within his reach and would be happy to live on a diet of Fruit Loops, I always miss Shawn even if we’re only apart for 2 days. Anyway, I digress…
In case you’re wondering how this detailed story fits in
with my fasting journey, let me explain.
I began to realize (or rather I was reminded again) that God is IN every
single detail of my life and that He even CARES about the small things. For instance, I wake up the next morning
super early to check the weather and see that the forecast has changed. The snow and sleet shouldn’t hit Ackley area
until 4 PM. I did a little dance in the
bed right there (quietly of course, so Calleigh-the-bed-hog wouldn’t wake
up)…and I’m reminded that God even cares about the last few hours I have with
my sister.
I have a four hour drive home so we plan to check out at
noon…and much to Derek and Calleigh’s dismay, we did NOT have time to go
swimming again because Aunt Melissa had to hit the road (and we had to check
out on time). After a wonderful weekend,
we give hugs and kisses all around, strap the kids in, load the cars, and take
off. I am barely outside of Quincy before I realize
that my drive home is going to be VERY unpleasant. And by unpleasant, I mean that the fog was so
thick I could see less than ¼ mile in front of me. Are you kidding me??? A delayed snow storm only to find myself
stuck in the middle of a thick cloud for the next 4 hours? This is going to be a bad drive. But again, God cares about the little things
– and the not-so little things like getting me home safely. About 5 miles outside of Quincy, I’m driving pretty slow because I’m
totally unfamiliar with this road and a bright red pickup truck flies by
me. I think to myself, “Hey, he sticks
out pretty good. Why not follow
him?” So, I speed up and keep him in my
line of sight for the next 2 hours…and because of him, I knew in advance when
the road would curve. Okay God, I’m
beginning to see how greatly you truly do care for me…
Because of the fog, I drive right past the exit for THE only
gas station right off the road (to my knowledge). I glance at my gas tank reading in the car
and get a little worried because I know that I’ll never make it to Iowa City on
a ¼ tank of gas and there’s no way I’m getting off this unfamiliar road and
driving 15 miles to a gas station…not in this fog. So, I keep following the red truck and pray
that God would show me where the best gas station is…or maybe create a whole
new gas station just for me. (And yes, I
actually said that in my prayer…) After
about 2 hours, and much fretting, I come up over the top of a hill…*drumroll* The fog clears and there is a gas station
sitting right off the road to the left.
I nearly cried when I saw it because I was down to about 1/8 of a tank
of gas, which really means I’m almost out of gas in my lovely car. And in case you’re wondering, after seeing it
I remembered the other times I had passed it by on my trips home…so God didn’t
create a new gas station for me, but he did clear the fog so I could see
it. I pull in, fuel up, buy some Wheat
Thins and water and hit the road again.
About 2 miles down the road, the fog hits again. Great…and this time, the red truck is long
gone. I start following another car but
it’s going so slow that I know I’ll never beat the snow and sleet home. So, I get brave and pull ahead of it – only
to hit this gigantic wall of fog. I keep
driving and pray that God will keep me safe.
About 5 miles after this, I drive out of the fog and the landscape opens
up before me. Again, God cares about the
little things. The rest of my drive was
pretty uneventful.
I pulled into the driveway at exactly 4:00 PM – no
kidding. I go inside to tell Shawn I’m
home safely. Then I put my shoes back on
and go outside to move the car into the garage – and it’s already
sleeting. I hadn’t been home for more
than 20 minutes and the storm hit!
Perfect timing on my part – definitely NOT. Rather, it proved again that God cares for
me.
Now, I know this is getting to be a long story but stick
with me until the end. It’s almost
done. As I was mulling over these events
during the next week, my Bible reading plan sent me to 2 Kings 6. Do you know this story? It’s one of the best in the Bible and it had
been such a long time since I’d read it that I had almost forgotten about
it. The king of Aram has sent an army of horses and chariots to Dothan because he wants to destroy Elisha, the prophet of Israel. Elisha’s servant goes out in the morning and
sees the army. He’s terrified and asks,
“Oh no, my lord! What shall we do?” Elisha says, “Don’t
be afraid. Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” Um, Elisha, in case you haven’t noticed, it’s
just you and the servant against this huge army. What are you talking about? Then Elisha prays…
“Open his eyes, Lord, so that he may see.”
Then the Lord opened the servant’s eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.
~ 2 King 6:16-17
In the next few days, I heard a song on the radio that is based on this passage (at least in my opinion). I had heard it before but never really thought about it. These days, I can’t get it out of my head. It reminds me that I know who is before me and behind me. I know who is IN me – the God of “angel armies”. If you haven’t heard the song, you’ve got to listen to it!
So, to wrap this up – I still don’t have a clue what we are supposed to do about children. I don’t know if God wants us to have biological children or just give that up to pursue adoption. Maybe he wants both, or maybe just biological children, or maybe just adoption. The only thing I DO know is that He's called us to be parents – whatever that looks like. So, I don’t have THE answer I was looking for but I now realize that I have so much more. I have the God of all the universe looking out for me. He postponed a snow storm, protected me in the fog with an empty gas tank as I raced against the storm and barely beat it. If He knows about that one small day, don’t you think He knows about my heart’s desire? I know He does…so whom (or what) shall I fear?
Melissa
